Be a Charming Conversationalist

Some people call it “schmoozing". Others call it “working the crowd". You can call it “networking". Whatever the tag, communicating with others charismatically and attractively is utterly essential when communicating within the work environment. Let’s face it. When attempting to cultivate our careers we keep putting ourselves into situations that are more and more challenging and crucial. In those situations you need to be charming—and you can!

Mastering the skill of communicating captivatingly in the work-place and during professional social events can be a lifetime goal. To achieve our goals we must create small steps that lead to that goal. In effect we are climbing a ladder. By performing the following tasks you will have traveled up many of the rungs of your “conversation skills ladder" quickly and with great ease. At the top of the ladder is the ability to use successful communication skills in crucial situations.

1. You MUST be completely relaxed. Crucial conversations usually cause quite a bit of tension in our bodies, from the excitement, the anticipation and the anxiety over the fear of feeling and looking foolish/ineffectual. We all have it. Please note that most every one at the event is feeling similarly to you, and most people are too concerned about themselves to be overly observant about what you are doing. So chances are you won’t look foolish no matter what you do. Do relaxation exercises and stretching prior to events.
2. Speak Slowly. Once you are completely relaxed, there will be times during conversations when you want to share your opinion, make a witty observation, or relay a brief anecdote. Leave lengthy pauses between breath groups. Connect your breath groups but utter them slowly. The same story told twice, once slowly, once quickly will have two different impacts on the audience. The one told quickly will be confusing and boring. The one told slowly will leave your audience hanging on the edge of their seat waiting for your next utterance.
3. Use a great deal of effective intonation. Lengthen and increase volume of the vowels you need to emphasize and significantly reduce length and volume of all other vowels. There should be approximately a 1 to 7 ratio of big to small.
4. An effective communicator/conversationalist will spend most of his/her time listening. People want to be heard. They want to spend time with people who understand them. Really listen to people when they speak. Try to understand them. React during appropriate times by letting them know that you hear them. “I understand what you mean." “I know the feeling." Or use the ever-popular, “I gotcha." It makes people feel good to know that they are understood. Try not to fall into the trap of preparing what you are going to say next while others are speaking. You will have the opportunity to speak and when you do you will have a firm grasp on your communicative partners’ feelings, preferences, wit, etc and you will be well-equipped to speak.
5. Be brief. Keep your stories/anecdotes short and sweet. Concise and to the point. Good story-tellers practice their tales. They do so during their free time in their minds or aloud in front of the mirror. They do so during real-time situations.
6. Ask questions. If you are speaking with someone whom you find interesting, ask for more detail when there is more you’d like to learn about their topics. Always keep your questions open-ended not yes/no. How do you feel about…? What do you think about? Not “Do you like…?"
7. Segue into something more profound. Basic conversations regarding weather and everyday activities can end at a brick wall. You can prevent that by considering your emotions as a result of a topic. The best communicators understand that humans have feelings that are similar to their own. Understand how you feel about something and you will have insight as to how others might feel. Remember that opinions are different from emotions.
8. Moderate. Good Communicators are moderators. When standing around in a group—do not allow anyone to monopolize the conversation. If one person is giving a boring dissertation, you have a right to interrupt during a pause (when he comes up for air) and direct your gaze and a query at another person in the group. Take time to give each person in the group the opportunity to speak. Ask open-ended questions to each person.

Take one tip and practice at each party you attend. Don’t expect an overnight miracle, but if you follow Ita Olsen’s plan you’ll see huge changes in a short period. Now I call that a miracle drug.

Ita M Olsen MA CCC SLP is the president of OSLIC Consultants and author of OSLIC Perfect Accent and Great Intonations. For more visit: http://www.oslic.com/oslic/

» left by Anonymous 5 years 1 day ago.

wow it's very helpful! i have got the guid here. thanks a lot

Respond to this comment